First aid for dumb-as-stink, do-it-yourself advertising

So I'm going about my business and I see a bus shelter ad for a real estate company run by a man and a woman.

The woman is smiling in a goofy sort of way and making the universal symbol for "OK". Boring, dumb, but I get it. Then I look at the man, who I presume is her husband. He is not smiling. Indeed, he has this dumb look that makes him appear like he has just been lobotomized. And now I know -- this is a dumb-as-stink, do-it-yourself ad. Which brings me to the purpose of AD-Monitions -- helping the millions of small businesses avoid the classic mistakes of dumb-as-stink, do-it-yourself ads. I am going to help by tossing out some simple tips that will help you avoid dumb-as-stink, do-it-yourself ads. That's part one.

Part two is to get a discussion going on what works. Don't tell me about expensive, big-time budget stuff. I want the little stuff that produced big results. You know, like the Google campaign that allowed you to kick the ass of much bigger competitors, or the sweat equity stuff, like the carpet cleaner in Toronto, Ontario (Canada) who built a thriving business by visiting every major carpet retailer in Toronto and captured their loyalty by giving them some free coffee and donuts. Now most of those retailers is a megacustomer -- someone who refers tons of business to the carpet cleaner. Total marketing cost: a few hundred bucks. So there you have it. Advertising by walking around (and giving away donuts). And you thought advertising was complicated.

Let's get talking. I await, breathlessly, for your response.